Together when apart. Apart when together.

Why. Why do I miss you. I shouldn't miss you, I want you out of my life, as far as you can. But at the same time I want you back with me, and look at your smile and laugh together at random stuff just like in the old days. When you were my love and my happiness, when I would do anything for you and I would be so glad to be by your side. All of that is gone. There's no happiness, no love, no "us". Nothing of everything we built together. We used to watch silly shows on afternoon TV, share music together, play videogames, take comfy and warm naps, study for our tests, daydream, talk about our future and goals, walk together under the sun and rain, love each other with passion and trust each other blindly. Because we were more than that. We were partners, best friends. Our souls and minds were connected in a way words can't describe, a way that can only be felt and understood by someone who has felt the same.

We were together even when apart.

We were two, together, you and me. And it didn't matter how badly we could fight, we could always find a way through the rocky road. Because love always finds a way. Our love always found a way through us, to us. Even when we weren't " us" anymore, it brought us together, again and again. But then it didn't. Because you didn't love me anymore. Just like that. One day you just didn't love me anymore and didn't say a word about it until it was too damn late. Why did you take so long? Maybe you weren't sure about it, maybe you didn't want to hurt me. But you were sure deep inside, and deep inside I was so hurt by the first person who cared and connected with me in a spiritual level. I was destroyed to bits of glass. My heart shattered when I heard you say "maybe I don't love you anymore" through the phone that night. You were so cold and distant those days. No caresses, no hair rubs, no kisses, no "I love you"s...

We were apart, even when together.

I knew what was going to happen. I happened before. But this time it was different. My heart already knew. Deep inside, it knew what you were doing, what you were feeling, what you were thinking. I knew you so well, you could've lied to me and I still would've known the truth.

A heart can't hide. A heart can't lie.

A heart can only tell the truth.

I still miss you, but I don't want you here. You have moved on. I haven't. Something keeps me there, in one way or the other. And I don't know how long I will be here. Grieving our love, our story, our memories. My memories of you. Because you showed me your true nature, the darkness that's inside you and I couldn't see in time. The one I loved is dead, gone, lost. Forever. And she will never come back, because you took her place.

I miss you, but I don't need you. Possibly this feeling will never go away. But at least I can learn how to live with it.

I hope for you to learn your lesson, sooner or later the universe will do its job, for life is wise and nothing is left unbalanced.